Not a Eulogy
by Calworks
Summary: AU. In the aftermath of the Battle of the Bewilderbeast, Toothless is gone, Stoick is gravely injured but not dead yet, and Hiccup just doesn't want to lose his dad.
**Title: Not a Eulogy
** **Category** : How to Train Your Dragon  
 **Words** : 1005  
 **Disclaimer** : I am making no profit from this publication.  
 **Summary** : AU. In the aftermath of the Battle of the Bewilderbeast, Toothless is gone, Stoick is gravely injured but not dead yet, and Hiccup just doesn't want to lose his dad.  
 **Notes** : Experimentation with taking dialogue from a scene and reinterpreting it. Most of the dialogue should sound familiar.

* * *

" _Dad,_ _ **no**_ _!"_

" _Is he…?"_

" _Please, Stoick, you said… You promised…"_

" _He's a fighter… He'll make it…"_

Hiccup knew, distantly, that he was alone at his father's bedside. Slumped over the edge of the bed, hands tangled in the blanket, face pressed against Stoick's warm arm…and alone. He knew that they must have left to give him space. Space to process. Space to…to mourn…

 _No_. His fingers spasmed, digging deeper into the knot of blanket. _No_ , he _would not_ accept that. His dad was…was strong, and alive, and…and…and a _Viking_. Stoick was everything Hiccup had ever aspired to be, and he couldn't… No. He _wouldn't_ abandon his family. He wouldn't abandon his son.

Everything was so, so wrong. Stoick barely breathed, Toothless had—had flown away, juddering and shuddering under the weight of that— _madman_. Oh gods, had Hiccup thought he could reason with him?

This was all his fault.

And if Stoick died… If he died and left Hiccup to try and clean everything up, to stand tall like his father had when all he wanted to do was crumble into little pieces…

He let out a shaking breath and whispered, "I'm sorry, Dad."

He'd said the words so many times in his twenty years, with varying levels of sincerity, but this time—this time, like no other time before, they shook with raw, heart-numbing grief.

"I'm…not the chief you wanted me to be…" he murmured, stinging tears welling in his eyes. "A-and…I'm not the peacekeeper I thought I was." Just for a moment, he allowed himself to think about what was waiting for him when he stood up. An island to save. Friends to liberate. People to lead. Grief to shoulder, along with the all-too-heavy weight of the—

No. His dad would live. His heart quailed at the thought of what would happen otherwise.

"I…"

He inhaled one long, rasping breath, a hot tear cutting through the grime on his cheek.

"I—don't know…"

… _what I need to do…_

… _what I need to be…_

… _who I am…_

A feather-light touch brushed against his head, slender hands running through his hair. The touch should have been familiar (in a perfect world), but he flinched at the abrupt distraction from his inner turmoil. He raised his burning eyes to meet those of his mother.

She gently lowered herself to her knees beside him, red-rimmed eyes full of understanding and love.

"You came early into this world," she began softly, gentle burr as tender as her touch. "You were such a wee thing…oh… So frail… So fragile…" Her voice trembled, and he averted his eyes.

She didn't accept that. He felt her delicate fingers press against his cheek, turning his head to lock eyes with her once more, and her voice became insistent, desperate. "I _feared_ ye wouldn't make it." For one long moment, she held his gaze, and he read so much into her look. She wanted him to understand. She wanted him to know. She wanted him to forgive.

Finally, she looked away, turning her eyes upon her husband, lying on what could well be his deathbed. "But your father…" A grim smile pulled at the corners of her lips. "He never doubted.

"He always said you'd become the strongest of them all…and he was right."

Startled, unbelieving, Hiccup looked up at her, and found her once again staring at him with that deep, knowing look. Her fingers ran through his hair, and he leaned into her touch, unfamiliar with but hungry for a mother's love.

"You have the _heart_ of a chief, and the _soul_ of a dragon. Only _you_ can bring our worlds together."

He didn't even try to wonder how she knew of his fears, his feelings of inadequacy.

" _That_ is who you are, son."

Son. He'd never heard that word before out of any other mouth than his father's…but…now, he didn't just have his father, did he? This woman kneeling next to him felt his pain as keenly as he did, possibly more so, and, though she'd known him only half a day, he could not find it within himself to doubt her words. Somehow, her mother's eyes had seen through him, to his very heart and soul, and she had him pegged sooner than anyone else could have.

Against his will, he felt tension begin to drain from his shoulders and the creases to smooth from his brow. With a sigh that echoed his bone-deep exhaustion, he sank into his mother's embrace, and felt, for the first time in his memory, his mother's arms encircling him in warmth and comfort.

"I…I guess…" He swallowed convulsively, trying to clear the lump in his throat. "I was so afraid of becoming him…mostly…because I thought I never could." His chest heaved. "How…could I be so…brave…so selfless…?"

She didn't say anything, and, for that, he was grateful. He grounded himself on the sound of her heart beating under his ear, and tried to ignore how much like a eulogy his words were starting to sound.

Oh gods.

He didn't know how much time passed before he finally stirred—seconds, minutes, hours… He inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, gently disentangling himself from his mother's protective embrace and pushing himself upright. He stared at the bed for a long moment—at his father, sleeping deeply, chest still rising and falling. He still breathed. Still lived. Hiccup wouldn't let go of that.

Slowly, he turned his eyes back on his mother. "A chief protects his own," he stated deliberately, slowly rising to his feet. "I may not be Chief yet…but I will be, someday…and it's time that I start acting like one." He pursed his lips, blinked back the moisture gathering in his eyes, and looked to the entrance of the cave. "You guys can come out now."

A moment passed, and then his friends began to peek out hesitantly from where they'd been keeping inconspicuously out of sight.

A corners of his lips twitched, and he reassured them with a wan, determined smile.

"We're going back."

* * *

 _AN: This is meant to be the end, but, if I get the feeling people would enjoy more of this, I can continue it._


End file.
